Emotional dysregulation: why can’t you control your emotions?

With most of us leading hectic lives, it’s natural to experience a certain amount of stress and anxiety. Some people can manage strong emotions and deal with pressure effectively. For others, feelings of anger or sadness might become so intense that they feel they can’t control emotions when they arise. 

This inability to effectively deal with emotions is called emotional dysregulation (ED), and it can be a temporary or chronic mental health symptom, depending on the root cause. If the symptoms become severe, they can interfere with your career, relationships, and emotional well-being.

During childhood, it’s common to lack emotional regulation. For instance, you might remember experiencing temper tantrums as a child when you felt hungry or tired. But as we get older, most of us learn how to regulate our emotions and improve our emotional intelligence.

Struggling to control emotions can hinder personal and professional growth by affecting decision-making, relationships, and overall health and well-being. By developing the skills for emotional regulation, you can navigate challenges, foster resilience, and manage your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

What is emotional dysregulation?

Emotional dysregulation, also known as emotion regulation deficits, refers to an inability to control or regulate strong emotions. To those around you, you may seem to have intense emotions, which may be inappropriate given the situation. 

Some emotional dysregulation examples include sudden mood swings, angry outbursts, temper tantrums, and crying uncontrollably for no reason. Even everyday annoyances can cause you to feel like you can’t control emotions and may seem difficult to cope with. 

For example, if you get stuck in a traffic jam, instead of practicing emotional regulation, you might become irate, allowing your negative emotions to get the best of you. You might display low frustration tolerance by honking your horn nonstop or experiencing a sudden outburst.

In some cases, emotional dysregulation is temporary, like when you are intoxicated or exhausted from lack of sleep. It also impacts people who experience neurodivergence, some mental health conditions, and even brain trauma. 

Even though it’s not a mental health condition in and of itself, the lack of emotion regulation can be a symptom of mental health issues such as disruptive mood dysregulation disorder (DMDD) and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). For instance, a study published in the journal Scientific Reports demonstrated that emotion dysregulation is a common symptom of ADHD.

Mastering emotional regulation is also a critical skill needed to thrive in your personal and professional life. Maintaining healthy emotional states helps you function at your best.

• High anxiety
• Depression
• Frequent mood swings
• Feeling out of control
• Negative self-image
• Becoming angry easily
• Crying for no reason
• Eating disorders
• Difficulty dealing with stress
• Impulsive behavior
• Trouble sleeping
• Substance abuse issues
• Inability to resolve conflict
• Issues maintaining personal relationships
• Minor disagreements that turn into big ones
• Becoming easily frustrated by minor nuisances

When emotional distress is chronic, it might indicate an underlying mental health or medical issue. Some examples of conditions where you feel like you can’t control emotions and display emotional dysregulation include DMDD, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), ADHD, and other conditions.

What qualifies as an emotional outburst?

Emotional outbursts are a symptom of emotional dysregulation characterized by intense, sudden, uncontrollable displays of emotion. They are a sign of emotional lability or a rapid, intense change in mood. Emotional outbursts can manifest in several ways, including uncontrolled crying or laughing, increased irritability, and emotions that occur at inappropriate times. 

The symptoms are often persistent and can impact a person’s quality of life. One example might be someone laughing hysterically at their grandmother’s funeral. In another instance, a person with emotional dysregulation might suddenly start crying uncontrollably even though they have no obvious reason to be unhappy.

• Mood disorders such as DMDD, depression, and bipolar disorder
• Trauma-related disorders such as post-traumatic stress disorder
• Personality disorders such as borderline personality disorder (BPD)
• Behavior disorders such as oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), conduct disorder (CD), and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
• Other mental health conditions, such as anxiety disorders and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)

There are common symptoms when unhealthy emotional regulation is part of a mental health issue. Some of these include increased sensitivity to emotional triggers and an inability to return to a calm frame of mind within a reasonable time frame.

Neurodivergence

Neurodivergence is a nonmedical term describing individuals whose brains work differently from what is considered typical. People who are neurodivergent often can’t control emotions and may have a hard time with emotional regulation. These individuals usually have one or more conditions or cognitive disorders, such as:

• Autism spectrum disorder
• Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
• Down syndrome (genetic disorder caused by an extra chromosome)
• Dyscalculia (difficulty with math)
• Dysgraphia (difficulty with writing)
• Dyslexia (difficulty with reading)
• Dyspraxia (difficulty with muscle control)
• Intellectual disabilities
• Sensory processing disorders
• Social anxiety
• Tourette syndrome
• Williams syndrome (genetic disorder caused by a missing chromosome)

It’s important to note that people with these conditions may choose not to identify themselves as neurodivergent. Also, since neurodivergence is a nonmedical term, other conditions may be considered part of this category. 

Brain disruption or damage

People diagnosed with disruption or damage to some areas of the brain can experience impaired emotion regulation. Some conditions are more common than others:

• Alcohol and substance abuse (considered a temporary disruption)
• Stroke
• Delirium
• Seizures and epilepsy
• Infections (like those causing meningitis and encephalitis)
• Brain tumors and cancers
• Traumatic brain injuries
• Degenerative brain diseases causing cognitive decline (like Alzheimer’s disease and frontotemporal dementia)

Many of these conditions may require a combination of therapies to assist with emotional regulation. 

Childhood trauma

Traumatic events, such as neglect or emotional and physical abuse during early childhood, can cause an inability to regulate emotions. These circumstances may also contribute to a greater likelihood of developing negative self-esteem and inflicting future self-harm. 

A study published in Frontiers in Psychiatry proved that children experiencing emotional dysregulation and other trauma symptoms resulting from abuse may be at increased risk of non-suicidal self-injury. When a child can’t regulate their emotions, treatment includes various methods, including calming breathwork, anger management strategies, and role-playing to reduce stress.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a common type of psychotherapy that can treat emotional dysregulation by helping you identify emotional goals and increase emotional intelligence skills. The primary goal of CBT is to change your thoughts and behavioral patterns by working with a therapist or mental health professional in a structured environment. Over time, you begin to understand your emotions and learn how to become emotionally mature.

A subset of CBT is dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). DBT evolved from the work of American psychologist Marsha Linehan. While initially developed as a treatment for BPD, DBT is one of the most effective treatments for emotional dysregulation. 

DBT therapy aims to help you regulate your emotions, keep you safe, and replace destructive behaviors with healthy ones. DBT teaches you that it’s possible to accept your negative emotions and change your behavior at the same time. You are more likely to benefit from this type of therapy if you are willing to complete homework assignments and fully commit to learning to regulate your emotions.

In many cases, CBT and DBT are more effective when combined with lifestyle changes and other treatments, such as mindfulness techniques. 

Medication

While medication isn’t a cure, in some cases, when you feel you can’t control your emotions, medication can make it easier for you to manage them. The type of medication depends on your health history, diagnosis, and several other factors. 

For example, if ADHD causes your symptoms, your physician may prescribe a medication to increase the levels of neurotransmitters in the brain. Or, suppose you find that you can’t control your emotions due to PTSD. In that case, your doctor might recommend a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) combined with other types of therapy.

Lifestyle changes

Sometimes, lifestyle changes are all that’s needed to improve emotional regulation. For instance, if you are diagnosed with early-stage diabetes, you may be able to control it with exercise, healthy eating, and stress management. 

Studies show that people with ADHD benefit from positive changes in fitness. Even simple lifestyle adjustments like staying hydrated, stretching regularly, eating a balanced diet, and getting at least seven hours of sleep each night can help achieve emotional regulation. A study published in Scientific Reports confirms a positive correlation between emotion regulation and greater physical activity.

Mindfulness techniques

Mindfulness training is a valuable tool when you can’t control your emotions. According to research published in Brain Sciences, mindfulness-based therapy has been scientifically proven effective for emotional dysregulation. 

Mindfulness activities help you find calm and achieve emotional regulation by teaching you to live in the present. While some of these techniques are part of DBT, they can also be used on their own. 

Examples of activities you can incorporate into your daily routine are meditating, deep breathing, journaling, and setting daily intentions. The emotion wheel is another tool that can help you build self-awareness and better understand your feelings. Most of these exercises are easy to practice at home or in the office. Depending on the person, some activities can be combined with other emotion regulation strategies.

• Maintain a healthy weight
• Drink alcohol in moderation
• Take medications only as prescribed
• Wear protective gear like seat belts and helmets
• Watch for infections that can spread to your brain
• Manage chronic health conditions such as high blood pressure and diabetes 

Emotional dysregulation can make it difficult to control and process emotions in a healthy way. Fortunately, you don’t need to resign yourself to living with anger, frustration, or other negative emotions. In most cases, you can learn emotional regulation even when you feel you can’t control emotions. All you need are the right tools and a commitment to building your coping skills.

By learning how to control your emotions, you’ll benefit from improved well-being, healthier relationships, and better work performance. 

If looking for ways to manage your emotions feels overwhelming, remember you’re not alone. Reach out to a BetterUp Coach to learn how to develop emotional regulation skills.