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“And then one day it just came to me: I’m not asking for too much, I’m asking the wrong motherf*cker.” – Alina Barax
When I first heard of this term, I scoffed and thought of how stupid it sounds, and why would anyone with a sane mind wish for it.
I’ve learnt that you cannot control these things, and that when you fall, you fall. I think everyone of us getting into a situationship know of the risks, but still dive into it because not to risk loving is the greatest risk of all.
Here’s a few lessons I’ve learnt after being out of one, and why this type of relationship is never going to be for me.
We’re not meant to love halfway, or love small
We’re not born to restrict love, something that is overflowing with abundance in this universe. Just like how a mother can’t love her child halfway, and how you can’t just care for your best friend halfway, we’re not meant to diminish our love in fear of scaring them off in case they don’t reciprocate.
Not going to lie, it’s pretty pathetic that I can’t even say that I fell in love without it coming across as intense. Ironic because that’s probably the most intense I’ve felt about someone, ever (Although looking back, it probably was just lust, and lust definitely overpowers love in the short term).
To this day I don’t even know if I could classify what I felt for him as love, because saying that makes me feel like I’m committing a sin. I can’t say that like I have the right to proclaim that statement, because I really don’t.
I remember how bad I felt when I lightly brushed off our flirtations as just banters, and how I looked so nonchalant about it all. How I wish I could be honest about how the depth of my emotions, but I was too busy walking on eggshells around someone I supposedly love.
Love (or whatever it is you feel for your situationship) shouldn’t feel like walking on eggshells. It should feel like running freely across a lush green meadow with your loved one in tow.
If you ever felt like you had to love small, you might as well not call it love at all.
And what really is the point of anything without love?
No reason to stay is a good reason to go
I learnt that the reason to pull yourself away from the situationship doesn’t even have to be a big. You don’t have to wait until they’ve overstepped your boundaries, or when they’re disrespected you to leave. In fact, you don’t need any justification/reason to walk away.
It could really be as simple as the fact that we all deserve someone that allows us to love them wholeheartedly, and accept the same wholehearted love back.
Always remember that you don’t owe anyone anything.
“You think you’re in love, but you just want to be loved.”
I want you to think long and hard about this one. Are you really in love with them, or are you in love with the way they made you feel?
I realised I got attached to the way he used to make me feel, and how I’ve felt so heard and seen by him. How the way he looks at me makes it look like there’s no one else in the room but us, even in crowded networking events.
I got attached to the idea and version of me from his perspective because at the time he made it seem as if he “loved” (probably too strong of a word, pretty sure that’s not what he felt) me more than I loved myself.
It could be addicting, you know? Seeing yourself through a rose-tinted lens from a perspective that isn’t yours. You get attached to the person wearing it under the falsehood that you love them, when all you really loved was how they made you feel loved.
Think hard about this one.
We accept the love we think we deserve.
Love love love this quote from “The Perks of being a Wallflower”. Let’s face it darling, I don’t know who you are and how you might feel like a situationship type of “love” is all you’ll ever amount to and all you ever deserve, but you deserve so much more than whatever your answer is.
Here’s the irony: we need to learn to love ourselves to accept more love we now know we deserve from the period of self-growth and reflection, but to do that we need to break free of this toxic situationship that restricts love.
You might think you could juggle both, and that you could learn self-love WHILST being in a situationship, but don’t be a ridiculous hypocrite.
Self-love is bold and raw love, and situationships are hardly the breeding ground/best example of the fullest, rawest form of love. Strictly speaking, I don’t even know if it could be classified as love in the first place if it’s so restricted and comes with so many conditions.
Practice what you preach. Detach yourself from such restrictions and learn to love yourself so hard that you’ll never want to be in a situationship ever again because you now know it’s way below what you deserve, and that you deserve the whole world’s worth of love. 🤍